My Feelings About America's Next Top Model

So, this is probably one of the worst/best shows ever created.

If you don't know what happens on this show, here's the gist: reality elimination competition for girls in their late teens/early 20's who want to be a model, hosted by model Tyra Banks. Every episode they get a new "challenge" and a photo shoot. The challenge usually involves them doing weird modelesque things, like for example wearing green body suits underneath their clothes so that when they're filmed, the only thing you can see is the clothes.

But my favorite part, and the only reason that a show with air-headed, ridiculously hideously skinny, self-centered, scantily clad brats as the main characters keeps me hooked, is the photo shoot. That, and the critiques are kind of funny, too. But mostly the photo shoots are just...cool! They're weird and creative and interesting to me. Advertising is like a weird kind of art designed to manipulate you into buying things, but even though (in my opinion) it's evil, it's still artistic and just...interesting. My favorite part is not when they show the actual photo shoot, but when they show the final products and get critiqued. Here are some of the photo shoots that they've done that I think are weirdly fascinating:

- the models had to wear bald wigs - they didn't actually become bald, they just looked bald.
- the models had to pose like they were on the cover of a raunchy romance novel, and then the final product had the text overlayed on it - I thought it was hilarious.
- posing dangling from a rope ladder
- posing with snakes
- posing as homeless people

...I haven't watched it in a while, so I'm having a hard time remembering my other favorites. I watched parts of 3 different episodes today while nursing. It was fun. It reminded me of when I used to watch this with Liel and Natascha in the Avenues.

But every time I finish watching this show, I'm left with a sickening feeling. I always promise myself that I will NOT watch it anymore, that I'm not allowed to because it definitely promotes bad body image, and (in my opinion) it's demeaning to women. And yet, I tend to break that promise often. It's just so addicting. I suppose there are worse things than choosing to watch the modeling elimination show instead of the chef elimination show while nursing - at least I'm not planning my whole day around episodes of this silly show, but still, I generally like to think that I should be able to defend my morals and values better than I do. Sigh.

Goals and the new semester

I guess there are many goals for this semester. One of which is to write on this blog every single day. I think that would be great. And get A's. That would be great, too.

The power steering fluid in my car is leaking and it sucks worse than you can imagine. Well, Danny gave me a ride to work this morning. He's also giving me a ride tomorrow, and Liel is picking me up. I have great friends.

It seems that this semester will be fun, or at least interesting. I like the two classes I have so far. Met Madame Thompson, for the first time. She's in charge of basically...the whole French program here. Way intimidating lady. She looks a little bit like a toad-shaped Mrs. Wormwood (remember Calvin and Hobbes?) with beehive hair. Her accent is so beautiful. She's a super duper grammarian stickler for correctness on everything. She'll do my OPI later this year.

Danny and I went grocery shopping and it was sooooo fun.

Liel and I moved into the Avenues, 311!!!!!!!!

I dunno. I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing that I have a zillion "best friends". Like, if I have a friend that I like a lot, for a while I will use the title "best friend" with them. And they don't ever really lose that title, even though freaks will tell you, "No, you can only have ONE best friend! That's the definition of BEST. Better than ALL the rest!" Ffffff.

Liel is one of my best friends in the whole world. She's probably my favorite girl to hang out with. It's fun to do just about anything with Liel, including nothing. Actually, that's probably the most fun. Tonight we watched pieces of 'Showgirls' on TV. I'm not sure how I feel about that movie. I think that mostly it qualifies as doing nothing.

So Tiiiiiired

Last night, I went to Liel's house for crepes. She didn't have any milk, so she used soymilk instead. They tasted great. Especially with strawberry icecream for the main topping.

It was probably one of the greatest feelings ever. Tons of people came. My friends. I have really missed these people. Cindy, Chris, Alexandra, Liel, Liel's roommates, Falah, two boys from Liel's ward...just tons of people laughing, talking, singing, dancing, eating crepes.

Later that night, after much talk and a mighty full stomach, my friend Matt called. Liel and I put him on speaker phone. I think I must have passed out while talking to him, because I don't remember hanging up the phone. In fact, the next definite memory that I have is of my turning off my phone alarm the next morning. But I was in pajamas, so I must have changed somewhere between there. Hmm.

Liel is such an awesome friend to me. I'm excited for us to be roommates.

Maybe life in Provo isn't going to Suck

Liel and I signed a contract to live together in the Avenues. It was pretty funny - our landlord is an absolute space case. The good kind, that takes care of her apartment, but doesn't obsess about her tenants. She had wanted to sign up two friends together for the two empty rooms she had in the condo she owned, but for some reason decided to sign me on. It absolutely thrilled her when I showed up with Liel on her doorstep, about a week later - "I'm so happy that you two are friends and that you will sign this together!" she proclaimed. "I'm not a liar!"

Liel is an incredible person. We have similar minds. Basically, she's been living at my place for the last week. I would bet a hundred bucks that she has spent more time with me than without me over the last seven days.

She asked the question, "Do you think you have more guy friends or girl friends?"

I thought about it a little bit, and realized that my response two years later was completely different. "Girl friends. I feel very close to my guy friends, but they're hard to keep. They never last. But you, Cindy, Emily, and Alexandra - you have been my close friends for over two years. Guy friends come and go, but my close girl friends stay, and there are more of them."

So all* my friends will be here this fall (male and female), Liel and I will be living together, and DANNY WILL BE HERE!!!!!!!!

Just...TALKING again! My stomach is going insane, there are so many butterflies flittering around. I have never experienced this feeling before. It's hard to describe.

But anyway, the overall conclusion is: maybe this whole thing isn't going to suck after all.

*minus one very important friend from home...

Am I another Freak living in Provo?

Liel and I slept on the floor next to Allison's mattress. I tend to agree with what I assume is the main reason her mattress lies on the floor, not on the makeshift cinder block enhanced bed frame - comfort.

Allison is the girl whose contract I bought.

Her best friend from high school is Iranian, and got a job in England this summer. She had been inviting Allison to just come out and live with her for the next few months since something like February, but there never was a plane ticket, and things just weren't right.

Two days ago, things became right. Allison found a miraculous plane ticket, and decided to just leave. This timing was insane for both of us.

In the middle of the night, she suddenly shouted, "Where's my passport!?!?!?!"
Liel said, "Don't worry, it's on your desk where you left it."

This morning, as I watched her pack, I started to realize that there is a huge world apart from going somewhere, and going somewhere. I will never pretend that I was Jordanian. However, I did really live a Jordanian life, not an American one with a different background. The Hammouri family considered me their daughter. I didn't have the luxury, or perhaps curse, of being able to randomly shove clothes (unfolded!) from J. Crew into a designer suitcase the morning I was leaving spontaneously on a trip to England. Imagine my Arab friends in the same situation...not even close to a possibility.

Liel later said, "You know, this wouldn't make any sense if we weren't twenty. Like, in ten years, this would never happen."

Instead of being pissed at the snobbism, the richness, the elitism, the wall of difference between our cultures that we willingly build when we do ridiculous things like this - I decided to force myself into bemusement. "Hmmm...isn't she crazy?"

Hey, my apartment rocks! Complaining would be even crazier!

Miracle

Mary is my mom's cousin. My dad and I slept at her house last night, with the understanding that would be the only night of using her house as a hotel.

I left her house today not knowing where I would be staying for the night, where I would be living for the next semester/year, anything at all about the High School Arabic program I am supposedly working for - whether or not I will get monetary compensation, or college credit, or anything ---- no knowledge about where I would work, or what in the heck I'm doing.

Driving down the street, wondering these things, I noticed the your-gas-tank-is-empty light flicker, and realized that my ATM card was with my little sister in Morocco.

Then, I heard my stomach growl, and realized that without money, eating could be an issue.

No food, no money, no gas, no job, but worst of all, no home.

I wandered campus, trying to find the people who could solve the "job" part of the problem, when my friend Liel called and basically said, "Hey, my friend decided yesterday to go to England for the next two months, and needs to sell her contract."

God cares about his children - not just the big life events, but our daily lives. Everything worked out. I don't know how to describe it.

Later, Liel, the girl whose contract I bought, their friends, and I went out to eat.

Two down, three to go.