Chain E-mails

My students have my email address. It's a good way to be in contact with them. Unfortunately, it means that I get forwarded a lot of RIDICULOUS chain e-mails. I remember when I was in middle school, thinking how cool it would be to write one and get it started.



Although, if I could succeed in changing the format of the chain-email, that
would be a remarkable feat. Their format is so boring and predictable. It always goes something like this:
1. Apology: Please forgive me for sending this stupid chain e-mail.
2. Testimony: But it really works! Here are some examples.
3. Instructions of what to do: think of crush, dream, wish, say it several times, close your eyes, whatever.
4. Text-based image scrolling: as you scroll down the page, asterisks or exclamation points will form wavey patterns.
5. Demand: Now you have to send this to _____ amount of people in ____ amount of time...
6. Threat: ...or else your life will be ruined. Here are some examples.

The email I got today was no exception, except that it was
so poorly done, I thought it would be fun to blog about.

1. Apology
u better read this!!!! PLEASE ok i know u hate this stuff when people send you poop like this but trust me i mean trust me i will never lie too any of u....this is soooooscary its sooo crazy and it works but u have too belive in it.. soo good luck lates

How about it's "[not a good idea]" to send "poop like this" to

2. Testimony
thursday october 6, 2005

here just do it

most people aren&'t sure of what they really want in life. I received this letter from a friend on the computer, did what it told me to, and within a week, everything I had wished came true!! Here&'s an exact copy,




"Do it, do it, do it!" At least Billy Mays had more diverse portfolio of persuasive arguments. This sounds like a bunch of middle school boys trying to get another middle school boy to eat a live worm. If you want more info about
that story (except minus the middle school boys and insert 19 year old missionaries), just ask Danny.

3. Instructions

1. To yourself, say the name of the only guy or girl you wanna be with 3 times!
2. Think of something you wanna accomplish within the next week and say it to your self 6 times!!
3. If you had 1 wish what would it be? say it to yourself 9 times!!!
4. Think of something that you want to happen between you and that 1special person and say it to your self 12 times!!!
5. Now, heres the hard part! Pick only 1 of these wishes and as you scroll down focus and concentrate on it and think on nothing else but that wish.

So here's what I think: the person who wrote this was learning about multiples of 3, and concentrating is something they consider difficult. Both of which scream "MIDDLE SCHOOL" to me.

4. Text-based image scrolling

Okay, so to be honest, this is the only reason I open emails like this. It's the only part that ever changes and is funny and somewhat creative. Sometimes my Uncle forwards emails that have funny text-based images.

But this severely disappointed me. It consisted of nothing but this for about 20 seconds of scrolling:

* *

* *

How lame is that.

5. Demand

After reading this, you have 1 hour to send it out to 15 people, and what you wished for will come true within in one week!

Isn't that how horoscopes and fortune cookies usually work, too? "You will have problems at some point this week." "Oh man! It really predicted the future!" The likelihood of one of those wishes "coming true" over time, or changing your wish, or at least of you forgetting about it, is pretty high. That's even assuming that the reader of this chain e-mail
believes the writer, which...yeah. I shouldn't even waste the typing it would take to finish that thought.

6. Threat
Now, this was the main reason I decided to blog about this stupid STUPID
STUPID chain e-mail.

Sorry but once read, must be sent.

What must be sent? Oh. I get it. You don't believe in the whole subject-verb-object thing. Also, why the apology?

Yes, this is one of those kinda chain letters that everyone hates. This one has been going since 1864 and if you break this chain, you will pay!!!!!! Remember that after hearing these stories.

So, if you know everyone hates it, WHY SEND IT TO YOUR FRIENDS?

And :::drumroll::: the reason why I took all this time to blog about this stupid chain e-mail: the hilarious claim that this has been going on since 1864. WHAT?????

First Example:
Take Barbra Wallace.. She was a pretty lucky girl, up till she got this same chain letter. She had a crush on the same kid since kindergarden. when she got this mail she didn&'t pa y any attention to it. She just thought, no big deal. And deleted it. The next day her dad got fired and her mom dies in a car crash. If she would have sent the letter none of that would have happened and her mom would be alive.

Classic. Threaten the people you love.

Second Example:
Try Freddie D. Now Freddie D. was your average nerd.. Had glasses, was short and chubby, was in gifted. All the signs of
your total dork. He also received this letter and sent it to 51
people in the hour. Now, like Barbra, he had a crush on a girl since 3rd grade. The next day after sending the chain the girl confessed her love for him ever since 3rd grade. Freddie D. finally had the courage to ask her out, and of course, she had been waiting to yes to that for years. They grew up and
married each other to live happily forever.

Another classic: promise true love.

In middle school, I guess kindergarten and third grade seem like a long time ago, yet of course they are still memorable. Also, in middle school, happily forever seems like a concrete time period, instead of the vast eternity it really is. I gues happily forever to my middle school self would be like...everything before college. I couldn't imagine that far into the future.

Third Example:
Now if you couldn&'t relate to the others, this&'ll get ya hooked. Listen to this. A kid named Jordan Johnson was just getting on AOL to check his mail. He was a quiet k id, not that popular but not a geek either. he was just normal. He saw he had mail from his friend. It was this exact letter. Now Jordan Johnsen was a smart kid and he knew what could happen if he didnt pass it on. He simply pulled a few friends from his buddy list and sent it along. The next day, about that same time, he got a phone call. It said he had won the lottery!
then his dad came home and bought him a new bike! His mom bought him Nintendo64 and play station! His grandmother sent him a new computer, and his best friend
gave him tickets to the concert he wanted to go to, Kid Rock and Limp Bizkit! Then he inherited a brand-new tv from his aunt! He was goin&' wild! the next day his secret crush asked him out, and they have been going out ever since.

So, if you can't relate to loved ones being alive, or eternal life with your true love, you're sure to get hooked on the promise of money.

By the way, if I won the lottery, I don't think that other people would be buying me a new bike, multiple video game consoles, or concert tickets. This Jordan character is pretty heartless, considering that he just "inherited" a TV from his Aunt (read: she died and he's "goin&' wild" (what's with the scattered &'s???) ).

Oh yeah, and tack on the true love bit at the end for good measure.

Now, you heard the stories. I know which person i&'d rather
be, but thats up to you.

First, I read them. Second, the next sentence makes no sense. It's up to me to determine who the middle school author of this chain e-mail would rather be? Huh?

We all want what we cant have but now&'s ur chance to go out withtha t special somebody ur waiting for. Take it or leave it.

I'll leave it, thanks.

Seriously, thanks for being so ridiculous that I got to blog about it. This was really fun to write.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Add a comment!