Style Self Consciousness

There have been several times in my life when I went into (and then back out of) fashion/style-consciousness.

Seventh Grade - Eighth Grade - Ninth Grade - a giant whirlwind of crappiness wherein I went from using as many skin/hair products from Seventeen Magazine that I could afford to a realization that I was much happier being a work-a-holic student that "didn't have time" for those things.

Transformation in France (junior year): at the end of the year, they played a video with clips from the whole year. And there was one clip of me from the first few weeks we were there. Everybody in the room gasped in astonishment because I looked nearly nothing like I had just nine months earlier. From long, frizzy, very light strawberry blonde hair, no makeup, a very gawky looking teenager --> I had changed to a super short auburn (the one and only time I have ever dyed my hair was in France) bob, lots of makeup, totally French-ified clothes (scarves, coat, I even had my ears pierced in France...). Everyone turned from the movie and looked at me, many mouths were open. It was a very embarrassing moment. I wanted to hide.

There was the time I left for Jordan and then came home again, much, much, much skinnier. Okay, it was probably only like...15 pounds maximum. But suddenly the guy who I liked before, who had always really ignored me, started to pay more attention to me. This was both exciting and depressing/embarrassing. I wondered how bad he thought I looked before I had left.

Anyway, there are probably other experiences, but I'll get to the point. Every other time in my life when I have made a big change in my looks, usually going from slob to stylish, it's been very hard for me to not be embarrassed by it.

But this time, since it's totally out of my control, I will just suck it up and not be embarrassed. It's not worth wasting my time feeling that way. Every single person who gets pregnant goes through a huge body-changing process. And so who cares if suddenly I look a lot better than I did before. That's normal. I'm just adding some additional things to the mix (like caring about my hair and face) besides the typical wardrobe/body changes that every postpartum woman must endure.

One reason why I love Danny so much is because he loves me no matter how I look. Ha, the first date we ever went on, I looked horrible. My roommate Cindy basically dragged me out of bed where I was wallowing in misery after having my wisdom teeth removed. She forced me to go roller skating with some friends. I remember wearing a huge baggy t-shirt, bandana to cover my unshowered hair, and my glasses and no makeup. And even though it wasn't an official "date" date, Danny spent the whole night paying attention to me, and talking to me.

Not only that, though; Danny always thinks I'm beautiful. And I always feel beautiful around him.

Just because Danny sees me as beautiful no matter how I might actually look does not give me an excuse to look like a slob, though. I'm sure he likes it better when I look pretty. Besides, it's definitely not embarrassing to look pretty around him, and he's the main person that matters, anyway.


  1. Well, I remember going roller skating but I don't remember why I forced you to go. Was that the time Danny gave us a ride in his truck???

  2. In my defense, I don't remember you losing any weight and I don't remember feeling differently about you before/after.

  3. http://kateinjordan.blogspot.com/2007/06/i-lost-weight.html

    So apparently I exaggerated things. It was like 8 pounds and it was noticed, but not important. Sorry that I remember things through a lens of exaggeration. It's kind of nice to know it didn't matter, even though it matters even less now.


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