I guess I was wrong when I said no sappy posts about how great my husband is...

Today I thought a lot about how I ended up marrying Danny, the love of my life. Before getting married, I didn't even know that dimensions of love like this could exist. There is no way I could have predicted having feelings like this. I will think I have reached maximum love capacity, but then the next day I find that I love him even more. A blog post cannot do my feelings justice.

And now, the same is true for our kids. Before we had Jane, I was worried that I wouldn't love her enough. Danny always laughed about this. He knew that the love I would have for her would be infinite. Then, when I was pregnant again, I worried that I would love Jane more than baby Dan, because I couldn't possibly imagine loving any child as much as my daughter. But that also turned out to be untrue.

For a long time I felt discouraged about my dating choices while Danny was on his mission. I still have regrets, but I have come to terms with them. I know that marrying Danny was the best thing I ever did. I know that Heavenly Father must have also known this, because the people I dated while he was gone, although great people, were not right for me at all (and vice versa).

In most of my pre-Danny relationships, I felt like there were problems with power. The person with the least amount of commitment has all the power, and I was always, always the Queen of Cling. It's an issue when you're dating because there is doubt. You haven't committed your lives to each other, not to mention eternity! Either one could possibly break things off at any time, and there would be no consequences beyond some temporary pain.

Marriage is a total commitment. Cling is good. We both cling. I think that's what marriage means: each party putting in as much effort as possible to the relationship. Honestly, my marriage means everything to me. Sure, I have other interests, too many to list here, but if you were to strip my life of everything nonessential, what would remain would be my faith, my children, and my husband.

It's hard for me to imagine what it must be like for people who have a sexual relationship with somebody before they are married, before there is an equal promise of commitment by both parties. It was painful enough to be rejected without any physical relationship.

But I really think that things turned out for the best, for everybody involved, including our sweet children. I can't imagine life without them. I can't imagine living without Danny.

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